We need to rekindle our bromance
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
