i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
