I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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