we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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