This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
