Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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