did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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