I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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