The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
