where am i from again
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
