I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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