We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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