My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
