Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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