I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
