It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
