piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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