i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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