i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
