Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
