were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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