he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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