I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
