Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
