If i come over, it means nothing
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I will be naked everywhere
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
