That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
