dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
