at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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