i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
