It was confusing and full of hummus
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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