There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
