She bit a glass in half.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
