cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i love accidental penises.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
