She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
