jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
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By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
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I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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