Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
