This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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