i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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