I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
