When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
