dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
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he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
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I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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