those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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