Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
