my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
