Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
