I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You are the jesus of drinking
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
