At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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