Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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