Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm sobbing to NWA
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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