I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
