If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
