Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
