Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
