I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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