i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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