I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
