She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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