once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
