I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
