i already hear my dad disowning me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
