My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
