Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
