If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
