I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
