it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
