They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
