oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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