A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
