Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
